The Journey So Far

So I wrote up a whole blog post last week and I’m using a different computer since mine pretty much died…and the post is gone.

So here is a different version, much happier than the first one I wrote.

Today marks an important day. Today is the halfway point of a day Wes and I thought would honestly never come.

This has been a very long year for us. We started off the first of the year on quite a high, with two days worth of knowledge that we would be parents. But the world came crashing down around us just a week later as we rushed to the emergency room, to later find out that at 5 weeks and 5 days, we had lost our little baby, loving called Squishy.

There was never an explanation of why, just thousands of unanswered questions. And the grief took over after that.

We struggled for months, with dozens of doctors appointments following to try and get us back on the right path, since it had already been nearly a year and a half on this particular journey.

After several failures, too many doctor appointments to count, medicated cycles and dozens of self inflicted medical injections and on our last leg of hope we finally got the news we had been praying for.

On September 5, 2014 we got the little ray of hope, after finding out that round #6 of fertility treatment had been successful. This news came just days before what would have been our due date with little Squishy.

We waited for bated breath, praying that this time we would make it just a little longer.

My second ultrasound aloud us to breathe just a teeny bit, hearing the most magical sound I’ve ever heard in my entire life – a sweet little heartbeat.

From then on every milestone was celebrated in our hearts, enjoying every extra second we had with this baby. The loss, even nine + months later, giving us what I called miscarriage PTSD.

But our little one, who we eventually nicknamed Peaches, kept growing strong, looking phenomenal at each ultrasound. At Thanksgiving we visited my grandparents in Los Angeles and told them the news, that come May 15, 2015; they would have their first great grandchild. Of everyone we got to share the news with, I think I was most excited to let them know.

This was a huge step for us. We had just passed into the second trimester, and at almost 16 weeks, we decided to spread the word.

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Not long after that, we found out we will be having a son in May and we could not be happier to hear that this little one is still doing well. We have seen his sweet little face, counted his fingers and toes and heard the sound of a magical heartbeat at our ultrasounds.

I feel like I have done my best to embrace every aspect of this experience. I have been lucky and hardly sick in these last 20 weeks. Mainly I have headaches and highly enjoy sleeping but pregnancy has been very good to me so far.

I cannot say the same for a short lived bout of flu!

There is so much more I’d love to say but before this gets to long and ramble-y (it’s probably already there!) I will say one last thing.

Thank you to each and every one of you who reached out to me in January and later in April when I talked about what we had been through at the beginning of the year. So many wonderful people shared their own stories and experiences with me. My heart broke for each and every one of them but knowing that I wasn’t alone helped me in my grieving process.

If you have questions about fertility and infertility treatments, please do not hesitate to ask! At some point I will share a post on our experiences and what we went through but for now, I am looking forward to these next 20 weeks and our sweet boy that I am beyond excited to meet!

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