PCSing isn’t for the feint of heart

It’s that time, again.

Didn’t we just get here?

There are so many things we haven’t done. Haven’t explored.

What were we doing all of this time? Having more babies, apparently.

Yet here I am. Staring at all my crap, wondering how on earth it will fit in a smaller house. Wondering where I’ll give birth. Wondering if I’ll make friends quickly. Wondering if I’ll hate it.

I don’t want to go.

It sounds awful depending on who I ask.

Amazing if I ask others – but I find that hard to believe.

And all I can do, in this moment. Is cry. Both my babies took their first steps in this home. Our 3rd, kicking around and wiggling, will never know this place. Nor will he or she remember the next place. Maybe not even the place after that.

I’ve been asked, how do you do it? How do you deal with the changes? How do you cope?

The truth is. I don’t. We have no choice but to do it. And live through it. And finish it.

Because this is the life we’re in. This is the path we’ve landed on.

So for tonight, I’ll cry, staring at the spot my now 3 year old walked for the very first time. He probably won’t remember this home either.

But I will.

I always will.

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