Infertility after a baby

L has been the most amazing little person we could have hoped for. His smile lights up our entire world. He gives the best hugs. He has the bluest eyes. He’s funny and adventurous. To us, he is perfect no matter how many sleepless nights we have.

Now that he is nearly a year (how did that happen?!) we have to look at the reality we face.

We had always dreamed of having at least two children, never knowing how difficult just  having one would be.

We love L and our world is complete with him in it. But we never wanted him to be an only child. And that’s what we’re facing.

I’m an only child and I had a great childhood. But that wasn’t our dream for our family.

So do we accept that this is what our family will look like? Or do we fight again? What if we have another miscarriage? Is it fair to put L through it?

The thought of going through all of the testing and the disappointment again weighs on me enough. But putting Logan through that emotional roller coaster with me breaks my heart.

I was not my best self those two years of infertility issues. I hid. I cried a lot. I ruined friendships.

This time we know what to expect, so maybe it will be easier. This time I have this tiny human who makes even the worst day better, so maybe that will help. And maybe knowing that it can work, and what the outcome is, will help.

But still, the disappointment and the frustration of something you thought would be so easy, just eats at you.

I wonder what it’s like to look at your spouse and say hey, let’s have a baby. And couple weeks later, boom! I’ll never know that feeling.

Siggyforblog

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Start Asking questions

This is my third year supporting National Infertility Awareness Week (check out more information here)

The theme this year is #StartAsking . What does that mean?

It’s time to start asking questions about infertility and what can be done about it.

With two healthy young adults, I knew that a year of trying on our own, something just wasn’t right.

We had no idea what we were doing and no one in either of our families (that we know of) had been through something like this.

We felt alone and ashamed asking for help but we decided that’s what we needed to do. My OB heard my story and put me on medication (clomid) that ended up being an absolutely disaster. Then we tried the next thing (femara) before we were finally sent to an RE.

I wish in those months, I would have known more. I wish I would have asked questions.

Clomid messed me up pretty badly and I wish I would have know to have more monitoring done during that time frame. Who knows what it ended up doing to my system.

Finally with the RE we learned to ask the right questions. Side effects, the entire process, the entire cost since our insurance didn’t help with a lot. What were our options? What was our back up plan? What were the chances?

Some of the answers, we didn’t like. Some answers were scary. But the more we asked, the more we started to take back control in this very lonely process.

I also started to ask, why me? What about everyone else? The more I thought about it, I started to share our journey, which was very cathartic for me. And that’s when I learned that I wasn’t alone. And it wasn’t just us. I felt less alone. While I was sad others were dealing with this struggle, feeling less isolated definitely helped me navigate how to cope with everything we were facing. We got there by asking questions and doing our research too.

Siggyforblog

 

Infertility Chat today!

Coming up at 11am Eastern —

 

Online. #InfertilityChat. 11:00AM – 12:00PM ET
Join the experts and learn more about infertility, the latest research, and where to find the support you need. Co-hosted by RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, National Institute of Health, American Society for Reproductive Medicine, Centers for Disease Control and Office of Women’s Health. Follow #InfertilityChat on Twitter to get involved with the discussion.

National Infertility Awareness Week 2016:

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In April 2012 we hoped to start a little family. After one miscarriage, lots of heartache and months of fertility treatments, we finally were blessed with a son in May 2015.

While it took us just over two years to have a healthy pregnancy, we had a relatively easy journey compared to the heartbreak so many others go through.

Know that if you are struggling with fertility, you are not alone. Find your voice and start asking questions.

We fought for our ability to have a family by asking questions and getting the medical professional help that we needed.

Here’s the list of events Resolve.org has going on this month. So much useful, helpful information out there!

If you want to know more about our fertility journey or any other questions, don’t hesitate to ask!

Siggyforblog

You Are Not Alone – Infertility and having more children

I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and my whole pregnancy has been well, crazy.

I saw this great article a few weeks back and I wanted to share it and talk about it for a moment.

People make comments about how they’re sure I can’t wait to be done since pregnancy is so awful, etc. (I’ve blogged elsewhere about comments like this if you’d like to see more). There have been comments about…well what did you “really” want in regards to me having a boy, or before we knew what we were having. This is all besides the point.

Another question I’ve been asked is about what birth control I’ll be going on after, how long we want to wait to try again, etc.

But the thing I feel like most people don’t understand is that…we have come to terms with the fact that there is a very good chance this is going to be our one and only child.

Even now it’s a painful question when asked about our future family plans — and it is no one’s business.

After a miscarriage and two and a half years of fertility treatments, five medicated cycles – including 3 IUIs, we’ve been through a lot already. We are so grateful for our little miracle we have on the way. But the sheer exhaustion, both physically and emotionally of going through fertility treatments was hard enough on just me and my husband. I can’t imagine having a small child and going through all of that again.

I know the physical effects that the medications had on me was hard. I was exhausted, temperamental, clingy and a whole slough of other emotions. Plus the two week waiting window, both to ovulate and to find out if it had worked or not, combined with several appointments a week…I can’t imagine dragging a toddler through all of that.

Maybe I’ll feel really differently when our son is two or three years old and feel that we can all handle it. But I may not.

Plus the fact that when our son is a few months old, I will be moving away from the wonderful team of doctors I had.

Yes I realize that we would be making the conscious decision to not have more children but beyond that it’s the decision to not put ourselves and especially our child, through what was the most difficult journey we have ever been on.

For the meantime, we will enjoy these last few weeks of this pregnancy and our time with our sweet baby, who we are so excited to meet.

Siggyforblog